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If you are in a posit
Thank
Brian
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Friday, December 19, 2008
Bottles and Cans
So as many of you know, Cheryl and I are engaged. And in an effort to try and pay for the wedding we are saving bottles and cans. We estimate it will take approximately one hundred thousand bottles and cans to pay for the wedding we want. Now we're not going to buy, much less drink that many beverages in a year and a half. Which that would be counter budgettive anyway.
What we are doing though is asking friends and family to save their bottles and cans for us you if do not already recycle them for yourselves or some kind of charity.
If you are in a position where you could help us out in our goal please do. Just let us know when you want us to come pick up the bottles and cans and we will.
Thank you all and God bless.
Brian and Cheryl
858-278-3902
What we are doing
If you are in a posit
Thank
Brian
858-
Engaged
November 14th, my girlfriend Cheryl and I had a date scheduled. We were planning on going to dinner and then to see James Bond in Quantum of Solace. We had dinner at Chevy's where we ordered the same thing we always order there. The chicken flautas appetizer. They are so good. Our love of those particular flautas was the first real thing that we found we had in common when we started "hanging out".
When dinner was almost over I suggested that we go for a romantic walk somewhere rather than go see the movie, as it was the opening night for Solace and I didn't feel like being among the crowd.
After dinner we drove over to Coronado to the board walk in front of the Coronado Shores. The condominiums by the beach which are the only buildings in Coronado to approach being a skyline.
We walked along the boardwalk until we came to the place where I used to meditate every night before going to work third shift at Loews Coronado Bay Resort. I told her how I started out meditating by accident. I went there one night before work because I was bored and sat down on a concrete pillar near some concrete stairs that led down to the beach. The pillar and stairs had then recently been exposed by the storms produced by a strong El Nino that year.
At the time back in the spring of 1998, I really just wanted to check out the waves. And I became entranced by the waves and the water coming up to the pillar and stairs and watching the water recede through the sand. I kind of came to and realized that I hadn't had a thought for five minutes. And I wanted more. Back then I was still early in sobriety and my head was running faster than the speed of sound and my contact with God was still shaky. I craved inner peace. So the next night I went to the pillar ten minutes earlier to pray and meditate. I got a minute of peace. I wanted more so I started showing up twenty minute earlier and the peace started coming. Eventually I started showing up an hour before having to head off to work. Later on, after I moved from Coronado I would go sit on the pillar when things got tough and my head was spinning, or when I just wanted to be alone with God and creation.
I told Cheryl how much the place meant to me. We sat down on the pillar together for a while.
I had in my pocket a small gold box containing two rings. One a plain gold band and the other a European style ring with a small diamond. They were the rings that my Grand-Father gave my Grand-Ma when they got engaged and then married before he went off to WWII with the 101st Airborn and was killed in action during the Battle of the Bulge. My Grand-Ma wore the rings every day until she me another man and married him. After that man died she put the rings on again because Grand-Dad was the love over her life.
I was so nervous sitting there. I didn't know how to start. So while Cheryl was looking out at the ocean I bowed my head slightly and asked God for guidance. Then I said a little prayer I learned over the years: "God, I offer my self to thee, to do with me and build with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bare witness to those I would help of Thy Love, Thy Power and Thy Way of Life. My I do Thy will always."
After preying I turned to Cheryl and started to tell her how mom had sent me a package. But the words just didn't want to come. So then the thought came to ask her if she would want to prey together. I asked if she wanted to say a prayer together, she did. So we held hands and said the Lords Prayer.
After praying I took her hands and told her that mom had sent me a package with something from my Grand Ma. It was a present that Grand Dad had given her before they had kids and he went off to war. And how Grand Ma was my favorite person in the world before she died. I got up on my knees and pulled the box our of my pocket. I told Cheryl that now she's my favorite person in the world. I opened the box and pulled out the ring. I took her left hand in mine.
She was getting all teary eyed and so was I.
I asked Cheryl if she would marry me. At that she got excited and blurted "Yes!" and tried to grab the ring out of my hand. I retook her hand and put the ring on her finger. The ring slid right on. Which was amazing. Becaue the ring was incredibly small. My grand-Ma was four foot eleven and had small hands. Cheryl is five foot six. I thought for sure we would have to get the ring resized, but it went on as if it were meant to be.
When dinner was almost over I suggested that we go for a romantic walk somewhere rather than go see the movie, as it was the opening night for Solace and I didn't feel like being among the crowd.
After dinner we drove over to Coronado to the board walk in front of the Coronado Shores. The condominiums by the beach which are the only buildings in Coronado to approach being a skyline.
We walked along the boardwalk until we came to the place where I used to meditate every night before going to work third shift at Loews Coronado Bay Resort. I told her how I started out meditating by accident. I went there one night before work because I was bored and sat down on a concrete pillar near some concrete stairs that led down to the beach. The pillar and stairs had then recently been exposed by the storms produced by a strong El Nino that year.
At the time back in the spring of 1998, I really just wanted to check out the waves. And I became entranced by the waves and the water coming up to the pillar and stairs and watching the water recede through the sand. I kind of came to and realized that I hadn't had a thought for five minutes. And I wanted more. Back then I was still early in sobriety and my head was running faster than the speed of sound and my contact with God was still shaky. I craved inner peace. So the next night I went to the pillar ten minutes earlier to pray and meditate. I got a minute of peace. I wanted more so I started showing up twenty minute earlier and the peace started coming. Eventually I started showing up an hour before having to head off to work. Later on, after I moved from Coronado I would go sit on the pillar when things got tough and my head was spinning, or when I just wanted to be alone with God and creation.
I told Cheryl how much the place meant to me. We sat down on the pillar together for a while.
I had in my pocket a small gold box containing two rings. One a plain gold band and the other a European style ring with a small diamond. They were the rings that my Grand-Father gave my Grand-Ma when they got engaged and then married before he went off to WWII with the 101st Airborn and was killed in action during the Battle of the Bulge. My Grand-Ma wore the rings every day until she me another man and married him. After that man died she put the rings on again because Grand-Dad was the love over her life.
I was so nervous sitting there. I didn't know how to start. So while Cheryl was looking out at the ocean I bowed my head slightly and asked God for guidance. Then I said a little prayer I learned over the years: "God, I offer my self to thee, to do with me and build with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bare witness to those I would help of Thy Love, Thy Power and Thy Way of Life. My I do Thy will always."
After preying I turned to Cheryl and started to tell her how mom had sent me a package. But the words just didn't want to come. So then the thought came to ask her if she would want to prey together. I asked if she wanted to say a prayer together, she did. So we held hands and said the Lords Prayer.
After praying I took her hands and told her that mom had sent me a package with something from my Grand Ma. It was a present that Grand Dad had given her before they had kids and he went off to war. And how Grand Ma was my favorite person in the world before she died. I got up on my knees and pulled the box our of my pocket. I told Cheryl that now she's my favorite person in the world. I opened the box and pulled out the ring. I took her left hand in mine.
She was getting all teary eyed and so was I.
I asked Cheryl if she would marry me. At that she got excited and blurted "Yes!" and tried to grab the ring out of my hand. I retook her hand and put the ring on her finger. The ring slid right on. Which was amazing. Becaue the ring was incredibly small. My grand-Ma was four foot eleven and had small hands. Cheryl is five foot six. I thought for sure we would have to get the ring resized, but it went on as if it were meant to be.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
The McCain Train Wreck
During the 2000 and 2004 presidential election cycles I was a party voting Republican. I voted for Bush over Al Gore and over John Kerry. I had conservative values and military beliefs. Though now looking back I can see that the Clinton years did provide a catalyst for US prosperity and a balanced budget, I did not like the fact that Bill Clinton was weak when it came to military and international affairs. I still feel that if Clinton had used a harder hand in Iraq and against Islamic terrorism that the events that transpired on Sept. 11, 2001 would not have transpired. The US actually had a chance to obliterate Osama bin Laden and his Cadre in Afghanistan but he refused to green light the operation because there was a plane used by a ranking Saudi priest on the ground where Osama was.
I supported military actions against Saddam Hussein's government for over a decade. I understood why the elder Bush refused to send troops into Baghdad, (because taking out Saddam would create a power vacuum among the different sects and religionists that would destabilize the region and give Iran and opportunity to come to greater political prominence in the region, which is exactly what happened.) however I believed that some show of definitive and consistent force was required to bring the Hussein regime into compliance with the cease fire agreement.
What I did not support was the way in which the Bush administration felt the need to lie to get America into Iraq, as I believed that we had plenty of justification for going in. I also did not support the way in which the war was conducted after taking the Bathists out of power. How the purpose of going in was changed from WMD's to the purpose of spreading democracy. We all got to see how well "spreading democracy" worked in Vietnam. We can not forcefully change peoples attitudes and cultural leanings by force. They have to be changed by example. When you look at Iraq under Saddam Hussein, even he had to kill tens of thousands of Iraqis every year. A hundred thousand after the first Gulf War. Iraq has a violent and defiant culture. If you don't believe me read Lawrence of Arabia. Arabia which includes Iraq was pretty much a no mans land ruled by nomadic warring tribes. They were untamable then and are untamable now. Ask the British, Germans and Turks. Hussein's government had to kill so many just to hold onto power for dear life. I don't defend him, I just don't support trying to force change on other people. Their culture is not like ours. It's a matter of cultural respect, which the Bush administration has not possessed from day one.
This brings me to the issue of John McCain. I used to respect the man. He suffered through hell during his stay at the Hanoi Hilton. He suffered with dignity. When he was given the option of being returned to the US he declined because he was not taken prisoner first, he would not voluntarily return first. He knew it was a propaganda ploy by the North Vietnamese and he was not going to play a pawn in the game. He willingly sacrificed himself. I still respect the man for his dignity.
Lately however, I've been questioning his judgment and loyalty to Veterans and the principles of democracy. When I found out that he was against expending educational benefits for Veterans I was surprised. When I found out his reasoning for denying expanded benefits for war veterans I was absolutely appalled. McCain's reasoning is that it would discourage reenlistment and retainment.
I am a veteran, I turned down the GI Bill when I served, and I don't regret it. I had no inclination to attain a higher education. But when I heard that a fellow veteran would willingly deny our brothers in arms who are actively serving in two wars, the possibility of benefits that could help them rise above their means and live more comfortable and prosperous lives after war. Benefits that could not only better the lives of the individual soldiers and sailors but better the lives of those around them.
These soldiers and sailors are not some derelicts looking to sponge off of the government and the American taxpayer, these are men and women who have sacrificed a lot for our country. Men and women who are sacrificing friendships, relationships, physical health, mental health and in over four thousand cases have sacrificed life itself.
McCain's attitude toward our veterans is reminiscent of the CCR song Fortunate Son. "And when you ask them How much should we give.....Ooh they only ask for more, more, more"
How much should they give Senator McCain?
Senator McCain has said that he would keep troops in Iraq for a hundred years. Does this mean that we should look forward to his administration's policies toward the war in Iraq would be geared for more failure, death and debt for America.
Back to the parallel between Iraq and Vietnam, the failures in those countries have not really been of failed military strategy, it is from lack of judgment in the political strategies that failure was born. America did not gain anything from the years our military spent in Vietnam trying to fight a political war, America has not gained anything from the years our military has been fighting the political war in Iraq. In fact we've lost eight hundred billion dollars in direct spending and we are losing billions of more due to the inflated costs of oil and goods.
John McCain insists on keeping America on the same losing track with the same losing team. This is why I no longer respect john McCain as a man. He persists in psycopathically delusional lack of judgment.
I supported military actions against Saddam Hussein's government for over a decade. I understood why the elder Bush refused to send troops into Baghdad, (because taking out Saddam would create a power vacuum among the different sects and religionists that would destabilize the region and give Iran and opportunity to come to greater political prominence in the region, which is exactly what happened.) however I believed that some show of definitive and consistent force was required to bring the Hussein regime into compliance with the cease fire agreement.
What I did not support was the way in which the Bush administration felt the need to lie to get America into Iraq, as I believed that we had plenty of justification for going in. I also did not support the way in which the war was conducted after taking the Bathists out of power. How the purpose of going in was changed from WMD's to the purpose of spreading democracy. We all got to see how well "spreading democracy" worked in Vietnam. We can not forcefully change peoples attitudes and cultural leanings by force. They have to be changed by example. When you look at Iraq under Saddam Hussein, even he had to kill tens of thousands of Iraqis every year. A hundred thousand after the first Gulf War. Iraq has a violent and defiant culture. If you don't believe me read Lawrence of Arabia. Arabia which includes Iraq was pretty much a no mans land ruled by nomadic warring tribes. They were untamable then and are untamable now. Ask the British, Germans and Turks. Hussein's government had to kill so many just to hold onto power for dear life. I don't defend him, I just don't support trying to force change on other people. Their culture is not like ours. It's a matter of cultural respect, which the Bush administration has not possessed from day one.
This brings me to the issue of John McCain. I used to respect the man. He suffered through hell during his stay at the Hanoi Hilton. He suffered with dignity. When he was given the option of being returned to the US he declined because he was not taken prisoner first, he would not voluntarily return first. He knew it was a propaganda ploy by the North Vietnamese and he was not going to play a pawn in the game. He willingly sacrificed himself. I still respect the man for his dignity.
Lately however, I've been questioning his judgment and loyalty to Veterans and the principles of democracy. When I found out that he was against expending educational benefits for Veterans I was surprised. When I found out his reasoning for denying expanded benefits for war veterans I was absolutely appalled. McCain's reasoning is that it would discourage reenlistment and retainment.
I am a veteran, I turned down the GI Bill when I served, and I don't regret it. I had no inclination to attain a higher education. But when I heard that a fellow veteran would willingly deny our brothers in arms who are actively serving in two wars, the possibility of benefits that could help them rise above their means and live more comfortable and prosperous lives after war. Benefits that could not only better the lives of the individual soldiers and sailors but better the lives of those around them.
These soldiers and sailors are not some derelicts looking to sponge off of the government and the American taxpayer, these are men and women who have sacrificed a lot for our country. Men and women who are sacrificing friendships, relationships, physical health, mental health and in over four thousand cases have sacrificed life itself.
McCain's attitude toward our veterans is reminiscent of the CCR song Fortunate Son. "And when you ask them How much should we give.....Ooh they only ask for more, more, more"
How much should they give Senator McCain?
Senator McCain has said that he would keep troops in Iraq for a hundred years. Does this mean that we should look forward to his administration's policies toward the war in Iraq would be geared for more failure, death and debt for America.
Back to the parallel between Iraq and Vietnam, the failures in those countries have not really been of failed military strategy, it is from lack of judgment in the political strategies that failure was born. America did not gain anything from the years our military spent in Vietnam trying to fight a political war, America has not gained anything from the years our military has been fighting the political war in Iraq. In fact we've lost eight hundred billion dollars in direct spending and we are losing billions of more due to the inflated costs of oil and goods.
John McCain insists on keeping America on the same losing track with the same losing team. This is why I no longer respect john McCain as a man. He persists in psycopathically delusional lack of judgment.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
GTA VI Whiney Baby
So I read today that Michael Hollick the actor who provided the voice for Niko Bellic has a sore vagina because he was only paid a measly $100, 000 for fifteen months of work on a game that has raked in over $600, 000, 000 in two weeks. His bitch is that he won't get any residuals for his work.
Under normal circumstances I would feel sympathy for the guy, however, the video game genre is not normal. When it comes to movies and television the fans watching will watch the show for his or her favorite actor who is playing their. These people become stars. In those instances, yes, the person playing the part should get a larger piece of a large pie. They are a significant part of the creative forces that put out an entertaining product. They provide name and face recognition for the product. In film and television it is the writers, the original creators, who get the financial shaft.
When it comes to video games such as the GTA series, the fans are attracted to the balls to the wall mental stimulation of killing, driving, stealing, racing, jumping, fighting, shooting and running over hookers. The want to get lost in a fantasy world that is nothing like the one in which they live. Ask these fans who the hell Michael Hollick is and I bet 99% of them will not have a clue. Ask them who Niko Bellic is and they will give you an ear full of useless information. I havn't even seen the game being played n person and I can give some useless information about gangster zombies, but not once until the Yahoo article have i heard a single piece of information about Michael Hollick.
The fact is, is that you could go down to Brighton Beach in New York and find a hundred dozen guys who could have provided a real Eastern European
voice to the character. In the video game and entertainment industry GTA IV has made a name for Michael Hollick, not the other way around.
Now quit whining and go play with yourself.
Under normal circumstances I would feel sympathy for the guy, however, the video game genre is not normal. When it comes to movies and television the fans watching will watch the show for his or her favorite actor who is playing their. These people become stars. In those instances, yes, the person playing the part should get a larger piece of a large pie. They are a significant part of the creative forces that put out an entertaining product. They provide name and face recognition for the product. In film and television it is the writers, the original creators, who get the financial shaft.
When it comes to video games such as the GTA series, the fans are attracted to the balls to the wall mental stimulation of killing, driving, stealing, racing, jumping, fighting, shooting and running over hookers. The want to get lost in a fantasy world that is nothing like the one in which they live. Ask these fans who the hell Michael Hollick is and I bet 99% of them will not have a clue. Ask them who Niko Bellic is and they will give you an ear full of useless information. I havn't even seen the game being played n person and I can give some useless information about gangster zombies, but not once until the Yahoo article have i heard a single piece of information about Michael Hollick.
The fact is, is that you could go down to Brighton Beach in New York and find a hundred dozen guys who could have provided a real Eastern European
voice to the character. In the video game and entertainment industry GTA IV has made a name for Michael Hollick, not the other way around.
Now quit whining and go play with yourself.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Ode to a Slut
Did I say I wanted to go home with you tonight
Did I say I wanted to fuck you in the ass
I don't want a piece of your cauliflower cunt
You’re a lying, thieving, fucking little tramp
You California whores piss me off so bad
Bragging to your friends about every guy you've had
You think you are the shit
Because you are part of a little scene
I just want to cave your face in with my size fourteen
If you could see my beating heart
You would see its beating hate
From all the lies and deceptions
You feed me when we date
Your best friend is a whore
She fucked fifteen guys last night
I was numbers two and ten
To the little sluts delight
You snort meth in your car
Through a straw in a jar
You are bleeding me of every cent I have
If you don't stop this fucking shit
I'm gonna through you in a ditch
And carve a note in your chest to your dad
Your last boyfriend he is dead
I put a bullet in his head
Because he said I didn't have the nuts to do it
I proved him he is wrong
Now he's part of your song
Guess I showed the little piece of shit
I don't give a damn about your family or your friends
They just a bunch of stupid assholes
Doin’ time in the pen with my Mom
The Empty Cup
One second of one minute of one day I sat waiting in the wide open lounge of the DMV. The day was obviously not so good. Events, dramatic to me, had happened to me that day. These events piled on the worries of the day before, and the day before that and the day before that. All the events of my life did not lead me to the DMV, but they all lead me to that moment.
I felt like the world didn’t have a place for me. Self pity consumed me in the one minute as my elbows rest on my knees and my head in my hands. I opened my eyes and stared into a Styrofoam cup that once held coffee. The cup was empty and looked lonely. I felt sorry for the cup. Much like I felt sorry for myself. Except I felt compelled to console the cup.
That’s crazy. I’d rather fix the cups problem, but not my own. I guess that I felt more adequate in my ability to console the cup than in my ability to console myself. The solution to the cup’s dilemma was easy. Get more coffee. I’ve known myself all my life and still have no clue as to what is wrong with me.
How can I fill myself? Where is the faucet or pot to draw from? It seems that like the cup I came here empty and am waiting for someone to pull me out of my cupboard and fill me to overflowing. That has yet to happen and I’m tired of waiting.
OLD YESTERDAYS
Those old tapes are playing in my head
Telling me those old feelings we had arn't dead
They say
"Though time has passed
And our hearts have changed
What we had is still the same"
But I ask
Do I love you?
Do you love me?
Or am I in Love with a memory?
I see no passion in your face
I feel no passion in my heart
Still
Those old ideas I have of you
Refuse to let go and depart
Our lives have gone on
but my head has stayed
To play in those old yesterdays.
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